What 50 Years of Marriage Takes

I suppose since this has been the week of our 50th anniversary, everyone is expecting me to write about our 50th wedding anniversary. I’ve always wanted to be transparent with everyone and not to portray myself or my life as something that it is not. So, with that in mind, I am going to write this in a manner that might reveal some of my vulnerabilities. So if it bothers you, so be it. It’s who I am and it’s where I am.

My husband and I were married at a very young age. On my first date with him, I hated the fact that he sweat so much. While I don’t remember that I ever said that I would not marry him because of that, I do remember him telling people that he would never marry a red-headed girl. I think he thought there was something not right with red-headed women. And of course, after marrying a red-headed woman he knew that was the case. He was 21 years old and I was the ripe old age of 18. Everyone said it would never last. And I am sure at times, both he and I felt that they were right. But, we were “hormone happy” and brain dead when we married.

And here it is 50 years later and we both realize that neither of us really knew what love was when we got married. And the truth of the matter is, no one knows what love is until after you’re married. There were many moments in our marriage that I am sure we both asked ourselves what was I thinking when I married this person.

“You see, falling in love is easy. Staying in love takes a lot of work and is special.” (Anon.)

My husband and I are both Type A personalities. Both are driven and have strong personalities. He knows what he thinks and I know for sure what I think. Most of the time we have to come to a point that one of us gives in. I do have to admit that after 50 years we know each other so well, that we’ve learned that some things just don’t matter. One fight that we had in our marriage is one that we laugh at now, but 25 years ago was a really big thing.

This story may make some of you uncomfortable. But, I hope you can laugh with me about this. I remember at the time I was the head of a group in our church that took care of communion and all the dishes involved in the preparation of it. The church was somewhat large and we fixed about 250 communion cups each service. Well, being the somewhat lazy person that I am, and trying to find an easier way of doing things, I saw that some churches were using plastic communion cups. So rather than have to spend 1-2 hours after church washing and drying and putting away 250 communion cups and utensils, I had this great idea of using the plastic cups.

Great idea, right?

My husband, being on a board that would give us the go ahead to use these plastic cups, told me he would run it by the board. Well, to my amazement these men decided that “In this church, we’ll never use plastic!” So shocked was I at their response!

So my husband relayed the message to me and I reasoned with him as to the time it takes to clean this all up and did these “STUPID” people not understand that we had little kids running around after church unattended tnd that we needed to get them to bed for school the next day and on and on with my list of reasons.

Sorry to burst your bubble about me, but yes, sometimes I can be a real ——-, ( you fill in the blank.)

Well, the argument got so heated that I spent the night sleeping on the couch. Yes, I am that spiritual. 😖

Obviously, we worked through it and in less than a month—We had plastic cups for communion.😊

I wish I could say that we never had stupid arguments, but I cannot. What I can say is that late in my marriage I came to realize this: My spouse is my partner: NOT my enemy. We will either win together or we will lose together. (DaveWillis.org) So we developed a winning team strategy. Sometimes he lets me win and sometimes I let him win. But we work together.

The arguments in our marriage are too numerous to mention. However, we’ve both become good forgivers! (Sometimes it takes time, but we do get through it.)

The secret to our marriage is that we’re two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other. We’re both still learning how to love. And I must say, that the more years we stay together the better it becomes.
I thank all of the people who’ve come into our lives. Even the ones who I don’t like. God has used each of them to change me and to make me a better (sometimes) person than I was before. I’m grateful that God never gives up on me. And if you know me at all, you know that He has a lot more work to do on me.

“I don’t care what happened yesterday. I’m going to love you today.” is what Happily Ever After is made of. Mathew>Jacobson.com

So off of the personal things, I look forward to what the Lord is teaching me through these rough times of shut down and sheltering in place. Do I like it? No. Do I believe that he will use it in my life? Yes.

We have special plans to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary in the shop. I’ll be sending you another email later to announce our special promotions. So mark your calendars for our celebration for June 11 – 13.

I love you all and the thought of being with so many of you is what keeps me in business. Because the Lord knows, I’m not making any money. 😊

Blessings!

Debbie